One of my recent posts focused on the proliferation of data center jargon.
I discussed causes for this, and listed guilty parties such as analysts, corp. marketing departments and ad and PR agencies (yes, I work for a PR agency and freely admit that the profession can be part of the problem).
I thought I would try to rid myself of the habit, and hopefully encourage others to do so too, by listing some of the top buzzwords, and ways in which they irritate.
(For all of the smart alecks who will now go out and try to find places where I and/or my clients have used these words, let me spare you the trouble. I admit that this has happened, and just ask that your bear with me because jargon purging is a process and we will not get there overnight. Like other 12 step programs, the first step is to admit to the problem – which I feel that I have done – and the second is to describe the impact of the problem on others – as I am kind of doing below.
Also, please note that below I am taking issue with the words used, and not the actual technologies).
With these disclaimers out of the way, let me get started:
- On-demand [add noun of choice]
- This is a very pushy way of saying “there when you need it” – couldn’t we say “upon polite request?”
- Real-time, Zero Latency
- Just reading this makes me anxious, and the second part sounds like a “don’t ask don’t tell” proclamation; can’t we just say “damned fast?”
- Cloud Computing
- The problem with this phrase is that it is the single biggest excuse for bad puns in the IT industry
- Disruptive Technology
- Sort of the attention-needy class clown of innovation
- Dynamic Tiering
- Have no clue what this is, but it sounds really fast, or like a paper shredder
- Thin Provisioning
- What they do in obesity training programs
- Multi-tenant Environments
- Slumlord of tech
OK, now that we have skewered some of the simpler phrases, let’s try to string a few together:
- Virtualized storage solution with data management features, including dynamic tiering and thin provisioning, for multitenant cloud-computing environments
So, do you think that this particular phrase is funny? How is it funny? Funny like a clown? Does it amuse you? Well don’t laugh, these words are the same ones that a recent news report used to describe 3PAR, the data storage company that just got bought for $2.3B.
